The Day I thought God didn't make sense

“The tumor was malignant and it was metastatic (it has spread),” the doctor glumly said.

How could this happen? I was speechless for a few seconds. I couldn’t believe what I just heard.

Few days prior to my hearing this diagnosis, my mother underwent surgery to remove a mass on her right shoulder. All the while she thought that it was just arthritis. That is, until it became so painful that she could hardly move her right arm. It was then that the doctor advised that she go through surgery. And then, the diagnosis.

The whole month of August, my life revolved around my mother and her medical needs. I would bring her in and out of the hospital. It has been difficult for me to see her go through the whole process—the check-up, the surgery, and now, the fact that she has cancer. I thought that cancer only happened to other families, not ours.

I couldn’t help myself asking, “Why, God?” I was crying to God, telling Him that my Nanay doesn’t deserve this. She has loved God all her life. Actively involved in the church, she was sharing Christ to people, nurturing them in their faith. She prayed for and helped many people in the province. For a while, her “thorn in the flesh” has been her pulmonary sickness. Whenever she got too tired or when her immunity was weak, she would have coughs and experience shortness of breath. But that aside, she has been a very active woman living a healthy and productive life. So it has been hard for me to take this—my mother, with cancer.

I spent many days crying to God as I struggled with the thought that I couldn’t bear seeing her go through the ravages of the disease. Like David, I dared open my heart to God and told Him how I really felt.

God, in turn, met me at my point of need. During my pour-my-heart-out-to-God moments, He spoke to me in a personal way. I was meditating on Psalms when He led me to Psalm 25:10, “All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful, for those who keep the demands of His covenant.” God answered my whys by assuring me that this—even a difficult time as this—was part of His loving plan. I needed to be reminded that His ways are higher than our ways. I held on to another promise in Psalm 34:19 which says, “A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.”

Yes, God doesn’t keep us out of troubles but He delivers us from them. Sometimes He changes the circumstances. Sometimes He changes us. The real secret of deliverance is not in the changes in the circumstances around us but the faith made real within us. And so, I finally relented and said, “Lord, I submit to Your will. Do whatever will bring glory to Your Name.”

Nanay is now undergoing many medical tests to determine the primary source of her cancer. Please continue to pray for the following:

1. Wisdom for the doctors
2. Financial provision
3. Quality life. Strength for Nanay; that God will mercifully protect her from pain of cancer.
4. Strength for us, her family members

Faith and dependence on God; that this situation will draw our family closer to God

Thank you so much for all your prayers, visits and financial support. This burden becomes easier to bear knowing that there are people like you who cares.

Trusting in the Lord,

GRACE